Article #868

Do you need to stop arguments? These three steps will turn
almost any argument into a productive discussion in less
than five minutes.

1. Go to the bathroom. When you are in the throes of an
argument or difficult discussion, just say, “I really want
to have this conversation, but first, please excuse me I
must go to the bathroom.” Interrupting the argument will
give each of you a chance to cool down and collect your
thoughts.

If you are on the telephone, say “Excuse me for a moment, I
have to handle a call on the other line.” If you are on a
cell phone, break the connection in the middle of one of
your own sentences. Call back a few minutes later and
apologize for being cut off.

2. Use your break time to think. Decide what you really
want to accomplish by turning the argument into a
discussion. Get very clear about your own objectives.

3. Return to the conversation, summarize the argument so
far, and then ask politely what the other person wants the
outcome of the conversation to be.

These steps work because they give each of you a chance to
think instead of react to what has been happening. And
neither of you needs to lose face or look weak or act
disrespectfully.

When you approach any conversation with your goal in mind,
you are far more likely to achieve it than you are in the
heat of an argument. When you ask others their goals, they
too must think about what they want to accomplish.

When you create a productive discussion, you create mutual
respect and the opportunity for excellent future
relationships.

Copyright 2004 Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.

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