Author: Charlene Nuble

Trust is a very sensitive topic, especially between friends. It’s hard to deal with a friend whom you initially thought you could share special secrets with. Suddenly he/she blurts out mean, wrong and, not to mention, untrue statements about you whenever you’re not around. One minute you’re his/her best friend; but once you turn your back, he’s/she’s already telling everyone how lame you are.

It’s also hard to determine whether your friend really is talking behind your back since all the proof you have are also based on hearsay and gut instinct. You still have to obtain reliable information to show that there really is a hidden agenda between the two of you before you start accusing.

Here are some helpful tips on how to deal with a friend who (supposedly) talks behind your back.

1. Find out details.

The most important thing to do before you deal with your friend is to prove that he/she really is talking behind your back. Look for evidence from reliable sources, like writings or notes made by your friend, saying mean stuff about you. People, like other friends in the same group who confide in you, are very helpful in proving your assumptions. Body language may spur feelings of insecurity and suspicion; but do not jump on your assumptions or you’ll risk getting the wrong impression.

2. Ignore.

Once you have proven that your friend, indeed, puts up a front with you, you may consider ignoring the whole situation. Do not act as if you’re affected and just think to yourself that mere words don’t really matter, especially when they’re not true. Gossip is immature and, surely, you wouldn’t want to meddle or even waste your time on such unimportant matters. Some things that your friend says about you may be very insignificant, so mind your own business.

3. Confidence.

Most people react the wrong way after finding out that their friend is talking about them behind their back by losing self-confidence and acting guilty. People will most likely believe in gossip if you show disgust or react strongly about your friend’s opinion. The best thing to do is lighten up, keep doing what you’re good at, and don’t change. Chances are, people will not dwell on the impression your friend is trying to create about you.

4. Talk.

This step might be risky, especially if you’re really not sure about the whole situation. Make sure you have evidence to show before you begin a conversation, regarding your friend talking behind your back. Approach him/her gently and sincerely, not with rudeness and anger, to pave the way to a smooth and intelligible discussion. Tell your friend the things that are bothering you and some suggestions you might have to improve your relationship . Allow him/her to explain his/her side too and, if necessary, apologize.

Do not easily get paranoid about hints, like whispering or giggling. If you make a bold move too early, you might only regret that you really weren’t the center of a gossip. Remember that mere words cannot hurt or destroy you, and there will always be things that you cannot prevent from spreading. Just be yourself and you’ll always find people who’ll appreciate you for it.

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About the Author

Charlene J. Nuble

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