By John Cane

I usually put an article on this site that has something to do with the current topic of the day or week in regards to holidays. This year I didn’t. I didn’t post an article praising Mother’s Day. However in the past I would have. My Mom past away a few short months ago. I guess a part of me didn’t want to experience the pain of missing her and therefore conveniently “forgot” to do an article. Of course one can forget something important for so long. So I began to think about why I am avoiding this. Is it because I don’t like to feel a certain way or is it because I have to accept seeing my life in a different way?

After my Mom passed, a friend said to me, “John you will get through this, but you will never see life the same again.” Boy was he right on. In a moment’s notice, the relationship is gone; everything that you cherish about the connection is gone because the person is gone. That’s not to say I don’t have wonderful, loving memories I am so thankful for. I have plenty of those.

What I am talking about is the subtlest shades of love that will never be copied or replaced. It’s in the How – How someone loves you and you love them; the fact that that love is unique and the strength of that love will never change. When my Mom was here, I always thought about her and worried about her, and she did the same about me. After she passed I realized how much she truly influenced my life and yet I thought I was very “independent”. I realize now how much I considered my Mom’s feelings on how I would live my life. Not to live it as she would live it, but to make her happy and hopefully not to worry too much about me.

In writing this I realize how much more now my choices are my choices; crazy thing to say considering they always have been.

Sometimes people influence how we live our lives without us even being aware of it. It can be a good thing and sometimes a not so good thing. However you will know sooner or later if they do or they don’t influence you after they are no longer there. Think for a moment of someone in your life that you are very close to. What if this person suddenly disappeared one day and they no longer had an influence on you.  How much of you is you? Would you see life differently?

Psychologist, Wayne Dyer once said, “We are eternally alone”. This makes sense unless you have someone else living in your head (that’s another article). So if we are “eternally alone” it would seem that each of us is innately predetermined to be “independent”. So how do we become independent with so many potential realities influencing us? We choose carefully what we decide to learn and apply in our own lives, and hold ourselves accountable. Life can be like relating to literature; you can make reference to understanding it because it exists, however we cannot blame it for how we choose to apply it to our own life.

One of the best things I learned from my Mom was something she would say after I would tell her about someone going to school for a particular degree. She would ask, “What are they doing with it?” Life is about doing. It is making thought into action, choosing for ourselves and applying what we have learned.

Thank you Mom for your loving strength, devotion, unlimited giving, and helping me to understand what it is to be truly independent.

Happy Mother’s Day! xo

About the Author

John Cane is a motivational speaker and writer who develops and implements confidence and self-esteem workshops in North Carolina, South Carolina, and New York. With a background in Psychology, John has six certifications in Personal Growth and Development.  His Journal Books, ‘Important Things I Remember from My Parents’ are used in schools and as an aid for adults in gaining strength in self identity in the United States and Europe.

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