You have done everything you can to be a good boyfriend lately, or so you thought. Now, you find that you are not getting the response you had expected from your girlfriend. You seem to have disappointed her in some small way but it’s hard to tell just how.

Her dissatisfaction with you may be blatantly obvious. For example, she may have told you that she is not impressed (ouch!), that she doesn’t want to see you anymore, or that she has lost interest. Of course, no boyfriend wants to hear any of these words coming out of their woman’s mouth.

But in many cases, her displeasure with you may be more subtle. Maybe she doesn’t seem to smile as often lately. Or, she seems to be looking at other guys when you are looking the other way. In other cases, maybe a bit of the glimmer that was once in her eye is no longer there. She seems a bit distant. A bit removed.

It is important to remember that any of these behaviors, whether totally obvious or much more subtle, could be the result of a number of different things going on in her life that have nothing to do with you. It is important for you to consider the whole picture – or as much of it as you can see – to determine what might be bothering her. Don’t overlook the obvious possible causes, such as possible problems with her job, her parents, school, or her friends.

However, once you have ruled out those other elements as being the reason she seems dissatisfied lately, it may be time to examine how good of a boyfriend you have been to her. If you are asking yourself, “What makes a good boyfriend?”, take a look at these 3 tips:

1. A good boyfriend is a great listener. Remember, your being together is not all about yourself. It is about the two of you, as a couple. It is important for the health of your relationship that you view your girlfriend as an individual with her own thoughts and feelings that in many ways are quite separate from you. In other words, while you may be a very big part of her life, you are not the sun, stars and entire universe to her. There are other important elements of her life that also affect her happiness. (If you doubt this, you are deluding yourself!). So, do your best to listen to her – to really listen – so that you can learn just what it is that makes her happy – and also what brings her down. It is a very safe bet that your being a good listener will pay off handsomely in terms of having a closer relationship. 

2. Be a bit unpredictable. It’s true that daily life is not all about surprises and fun: the business of daily life is not always a party. At the same time, though, ask yourself whether you have been keeping things fun and interesting in your relationship. Do you ever surprise her with little things like flowers or a small gift? Remember, it doesn’t have to be anything fancy. It truly is the thought that counts (and that will win over her heart).

3. Ask her what she wants. This is a big one. Every woman in the world wants to be made to feel that she is special – and your girlfriend is no different. The best way to make her feel like she is the center of the universe is to ask her what she wants. Ask her about the big things, like about where she wants to live in 5 years or what her ideal career might be. But, also ask about the little things: where does she want to go for dinner? What is her favorite ice cream flavor? It is in the very asking of these questions that she will feel a special bond with you.

If you are looking to improve your boyfriend skills, try shifting the focus away from yourself and onto her. You may be surprised at what happens.

Marie-Claire Smith

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