A Powerful Way to Connect with Others

The practice of lovingkindness meditation brings to life our inborn capacity for connecting to ourselves and others. The lovingkindness we cultivate breaks through the habit of indifference or judgment that keeps us feeling separate from others. A capacity for friendship and kindness exists within each of us, without exception. No matter what pain we may have gone through in our lives, that capacity is never destroyed. It may be—and often is—covered or hidden away, but it’s there.

The key to uncovering this potential is paying attention in a positive way. So often we don’t have the time or the patience to take an interest in people; instead we look around them or right through them. Being attentive to someone opens the door to discovering who she or he actually is. We can find that the people we relate to at work, at school, or while doing errands no longer seem like strangers. We start to see things differently, and we don’t feel so alone.

Caring for ourselves is the foundation for being able to care for others.  The practice of lovingkindness meditation is simple. Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Recite silently certain phrases which express your heart’s intention to connect more deeply with yourself and others.

Some examples are “May I be happy” or “May you be peaceful” or “May you find contentment.” Say the words without anticipating any particular response. Just see what emerges from this specific way of paying attention.

Repeat silently, over and over, “May I be happy. May I be safe. May I be peaceful. May I live with ease.” Use any phrase or phrases that are significant to you.

After a few minutes, begin silently offering the phrases to someone you respect and love, a benefactor or good friend. “May you be happy. May you be safe. May you live with ease.” Following that, choose someone you feel fairly neutral toward (this could be anyone: e.g. your mailman).

Then make a bold shift and call to mind people you don’t get along with, those you have hurt, those who have hurt you. Uou may feel an immediate surge of resentment or annoyance. Rather than giving up, go back to offering lovingkindness to yourself in the face of your anger, impatience and distress.

Over time our anger begins to subside as we care for ourselves and again practice opening our attention to those from whom we’re alienated, have separated ourselves from, or are not speaking to.  This part of the meditation can be hard, but it’s the place where we deeply contact our innate capacity for lovingkindess. Moving beyond our preconceived limitations, we can see how much love we have within.

Finally, offer the phrases to everyone, without exception or distinction: “May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings live with ease.” The care and kinship you develop toward one person can be felt toward everyone.

“Under the cherry blossoms’ shade, there are no strangers.”

–          Issa

Japanese poet