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Home » Behavior, Confidence Building, Featured, Headline, Managing Emotions, Relationships, Self Esteem

How Does Your Level Of Self-Esteem Affect How You Perceive Your Partner?

Submitted by on January 7, 2013 – 1:29 amNo Comment

Hand with snow heart images

Author: Liv Miyagawa

Your level of self-esteem affects how you perceive everything and perhaps especially how you perceive your partner. Your perceptions of your partner have important consequences for how fulfilling and lasting your relationship will be.

Because people with low self-esteem do not think very positively about themselves, they find it difficult to believe that anyone else would do so. “Why would anyone love me? I’m so stupid, ugly and bad at everything.” Psychologists have found that people with low self-esteem rate their partners as loving them less than what the partners actually do. This means that if you have a low self-esteem, chances are high that your partner loves you more than you think! That’s good to know isn’t it?!

Because people with low self-esteem don’t believe that their partners love them as much as they actually do, they are anxious that their partners might leave them. As a result, they are searching for signs that their partners are about to dump them. The more you focus on something, the more you will notice it. When a woman gets pregnant she suddenly starts to notice lots of other pregnant women around her. When people with low self-esteem look for signs that their partners will dump them, they will indeed find such signs. In fact, many, many acts and events can be interpreted in this way if you want to interpret them like that. A slightly tired tone of voice might be interpreted as “He doesn’t want to talk to me because he doesn’t love me any more”. A late return home might be interpreted as “She has been out with some other guy”. A forgotten phone call might be interpreted as “He forgot me because I’m not important to him”.

People with low self-esteem are also experts at over-generalising the negative consequences of the signs of rejection that they believe themselves to perceive. If a small problem arises in the relationship, such as a difference in opinions, a person with low self-esteem perceives this as evidence that the relationship is doomed to fail. On the other hand, a person with high self-esteem would try to deal with the specific problem without any fear that it might harm the relationship as a whole. People with low self-esteem also over-generalise the consequences of their own mistakes. Even after very minor wrong-doings, people with low self-esteem start to think that their partners must dislike them.

People with low self-esteem try to protect themselves against being dumped by valuing their partners less. In this way they make the prospect of being dumped less threatening. “I don’t care if she dumps me because she’s so stupid anyway.” Being dumped by somebody that is not so good is not as bad as being dumped by someone that is great. The more likely it seems that their partners will leave them, the more people with low self-esteem try to find faults in their partners. Apart from protecting them from the pain of rejection, this also makes them feel less inferior and so it protects them from their own low self-esteem. Psychologists have found that people with low self-esteem feel better about themselves, their relationships and their partners when they can see faults in their partners compared to when they perceive their partners as flawless.

Perceiving your partner as not loving you and as having lots of faults obviously doesn’t make your partner feel very happy. Everyone wants to be loving and loved. It will therefore not come as a surprise to you that people with low self-esteem have shorter and less fulfilling relationships compared to people with high self-esteem. If you want long-lasting fulfilling relationships the best you can do is to raise your own self-esteem.

Visit if you want to find out HOW you can raise your self-esteem!

Liv Miyagawa – The Self-Esteem Coach

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About the Author

Liv Miyagawa, The Self-Esteem Coach, helps people all over the world to raise their self-esteem and to reach their personal goals. She opens people’s eyes to their own strengths and helps them to figure out what it really is that they want to get out of life. Liv helps people to find out exactly what steps they need to take to reach their goals, and she supports them and motivates them on their journey towards a more fulfilling future.

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