Are you negative? And if so, it may be time to make a change.

Believe it or not, there is a study in Kinesiology which talks about how negativity (i.e. thoughts, conversations, etc.) actually weakens the biological function of our bodies.  Our immune system can become vulnerable to the extent of becoming sick more often and some studies actually relate carrying anger inside can lead to cancer.

Aside from this, we become less effective in our lives for a number of reasons:

When we are negative, our attitude pushes people away from us

When we are negative, we have a tendency to start and fuel more arguments

When we are negative, we reduce opportunities to be successful

If you are not generally negative but seem to slip into a negative mood from time to time and wonder why, it just may be you are having a hard time handling the negative people in your life.

We all know ‘them’.  You know, the people you may be sharing company with and you feel like the air is being sucked out of the room, or worse yet the life sucked out of you.  Or you may liken it to my personal comparison of the movie, Ghost Busters—where you feel as though you’ve been “slimed”.  They will suck you dry or weigh you down if you fall into their trap.

It’s easy to know when you’re with negative people because the longer the experience, the weaker you feel.  I work with a teen leadership organization and am so thankful that part of the program is about being aware of issues like this and doing constructive things to avoid or handle them as productively as possible.  It’s nice to be with people that don’t just look at certain behaviors as being the ‘norm’(the ‘norm’ in this case of being overly cynical).  None the less, accepting that they are going to come into our lives can help us in advance to be prepared to deal with them.  It’s kind of like when it rains; eventually it’s going to rain, but in the end it’s up to you to choose if you’re going to get wet or not.

So let’s look at the reality (so to speak) of negative people so you can maybe see it coming:

• They thrive on spreading bad news so they seek you out.
• They show up everywhere—office, meetings, family gatherings, you name it, there there.
• If they call you on the phone, your stomach starts to hurt as soon as you realize who is calling.  If you catch the caller ID in time chances are you won’t answer. While you pretend to listen, you are really thinking of a way to get off the phone. In fact you try to return their calls when you know they won’t be at home or at the office. You just want credit for the call; you don’t really want to talk with them.
• They seem to know when you are vulnerable and try to pull you in. You may even find, to your dissatisfaction that you agree with some of what they are saying.

So how do you protect yourself?

Here are some of the common “types” of negative people and how to deal with them:

• ‘Bad Cooks’—These are the folks who love to stir the pot—instigators, troublemakers, pests, agitators, etc.  They look for gossip, blather or any “information’ and make it their personal quest to take it upon themselves to spread the slime.  These people feel as though EVERYTHING is their business.  They love chaos and conflict and will cultivate both if given the chance. These culinary misfits often “keep score” and tend to remember vague information that can hurt others or their reputations. They are sometimes hard to ignore because they are not only louder and annoy everyone else, but they also make their information sound so idiotically interesting.
  What you can do: Avoid them like they got BO or you will also become part of their goulash of discussion. Be aware that their lack of productivity usually gives them away—makes sense, you can see how most of their day is spent.  Make sure you are not standing next to them when they turn the heat up too high and get burned.
• ‘Vultures’—These are often managers or supervisors. They hover when everyone is busy, deposit “garbage” all over and fly away after tearing down enthusiasm. They tend to pick at details that don’t matter like road-kill, making negative comments as they work. They leave employees feeling beat up and unappreciated.
  What you can do: Get clarification before starting a project.  Take notes right in front of them.  This makes it difficult for them to come back and question you just to boost their ego.  If there has been uncertainty and confusion in the past with this bird, you may want to get things in writing.
• ‘Butts’—They’re friendly, but negative. They have a tendency to see first the inability to do something versus the ability to do something.  They describe why the course of action or idea couldn’t possibly work.  They usually follow a suggestion with, “Yeah-but…”.   Experienced “Butts” extend their outlook/ attitude to other areas of life too. If you mention things at work are going very smoothly today their response might be, “Yeah but just wait ‘til tomorrow”, or “Let’s see how long it lasts”.  I almost feel bad for these butt-heads.  It’s obvious they are unhappy because of how they recolor a situation and inadvertently want you to know it.
  What you can do: Ignore “Butts” and the grey cloud of doubt they attempt to cast. One way to stop them is by letting them within ear-shot of you having a conversation with someone else about how much easier things would be if people trusted themselves more.  Or better yet, tell them that you’re going to start charging for their negative comments.
• ‘Victims’—You may know them as “martyrs”.  They sing the “Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen” blues.  No one works as hard as they do and they don’t “get a break”. They find trouble… and fix it too!  And they’re sure to let everyone know how they fix things at their personal expense! You may feel a residue slime of guilt with their “superhuman” efforts.
• What you can do: Let them work.  Whatever makes you feel better, do it (e.g. understand them or laugh at them—on the inside).  You have worked too hard to have a balanced life to fall for this game.  If you need to roll your eyes, make sure you’re looking away from them.

Stay away from people who literally suck the energy out of you. Spend time with people who lift you up…not pull you down. Your energy will increase and therefore affect others in a positive way.  Even more so than that you will attract more people into your life which is a big plus in so many ways.