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Home » Decision Making, Featured, Headline, Problem Solving, Self Esteem

Stop Stalking Your Ex

Submitted by on June 24, 2012 – 11:04 pmNo Comment

by: Roseanna Leaton

Please stop stalking your ex; it won’t do you any good! Exes come in many forms; girlfriends or boyfriends, husbands or wives, bosses or colleagues, therapists…or even figments of one’s imaginary world. Stalking is stalking, no matter whom you are obsessing about or how you are going about your obsession. And to stalk a person never, ever, produces positive results; for the stalker, that is.

Stalking tends to, in general, have the opposite effect on those who are being stalked; the result is that they become stronger because of this challenging experience. This may take a bit of explaining. No-body likes to be stalked; no-one enjoys knowing that somebody is peering out at them from behind hedges, recording their movements, having a go at facelessly befriending them on Facebook, or attempting to shadow their life in any way at all. We have our comfort zones and we don’t appreciate them being abused.

Neither do we like to think of another person as feeling so low, bitter, rejected, insecure or lacking in confidence that their life has become hinged voyeuristically, either secretly or overtly, upon yours. If the obsession one has upon you is fixated in a clear and overt manner one is far more sympathetic towards it, from the stalkee’s perspective that is; it then tends to come across more easily as flattery, even if it is of a type you did not actually hope to encourage.

For example, I have a friend whose ex used to drive up to her new home at night time and shine his headlights up at their windows in a clear message saying “I’m here, I’m watching, I’m waiting, I know what you are doing”. OK, so you might find that a little spooky, but he was expressing his feelings and letting his ex know that he was there for her. At least he wasn’t trying to hide.

In his mind he was a knight in shining armor, waiting to whisk his sweetheart away from the devil incarnate. What did she think? She was where she wanted to be – in the arms of the man she loved; and the guy at the end of her driveway was her ex, stalking her.

What did she feel? That she’d had a lucky escape; in her eyes he was acting in an unstable and insecure way and for many varying reasons she did not want to know any more; in essence he provided her with added justification for having made him her ex in the first place. Stalking your ex just doesn’t produce positive results no matter how you go about it. So I say again, please, for your own sake, gather your pride together and stop stalking your ex.

But let’s look at what goes on in the stalker’s mind. Their intent is perhaps one of many; to signal “I’m hurt”, a desire to strike back and achieve some form of revenge or to fulfill a masochistic desire to discover what they are missing out upon are perhaps the strongest possibilities. You see, if you did not firstly perceive yourself as a victim (victim thinking includes “poor me, nothing ever works for me, why didn’t it work for me, why can’t I meet someone nice, why don’t my relationships work?, life isn’t fair”) you would never, ever, not in a million years, consider stalking your ex.

And so the very first step in overcoming your desire to stalk your ex is to stop seeing yourself as a victim. What you give out you get back. Who doesn’t know that this is the age of self-help focus? It’s time to play out and live what you know. Look at Julia Robert’s role in “My Best Friend’s Wedding”; she’s not stalking her ex but she is being obsessive. And whatever she tries to do to sabotage the new relationship between her ex and his fiancée totally backfires. She just drives them closer together and makes their relationship stronger. And her ex’s opinion of her ends up going way south.

Look at what it does to her; it takes her lower and lower. She does even more things which she isn’t proud of. Her actions make her ashamed of herself; or perhaps that’s the wrong way around? We see in the movie that she could never commit to her partner, to her relationship; she shied away in terror from commitment. And eventually off he went and met someone else who was able to commit fully to him, without thought; Kimmie (Cameron Diaz) gave everything she had to him. She didn’t subject him to suspicion or jealousy.

To be able to commit to a good and fulfilling relationship you have to overcome your fears and allow yourself to feel comfortable being you. You can call this what you like; self-esteem, self-image, self-growth, self-confidence. You know what I mean. Unless you do this your own actions will most likely drive your potential partners away and confirm your own belief that you are indeed a victim.

It takes a bit of effort to stop obsessing about your ex or to stop stalking your ex, but unless you want to remain stuck in a rut you do need to make that effort. Hypnosis can help you enormously to let go of your unhealthy emotional attachment to your ex. You’ll feel a whole lot better when you let go and work on what is the real issue – your own insecurities and obsessive nature.

Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis mp3 downloads for building confidence and assistance in getting over your ex.

P.S. Discover how easily you can change your focus with the help of self hypnosis; grab a free self hypnosis mp3 download from my website now.

About The Author

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