By John Cane

It is, and everyone knows it. Negativity is bor-bor-boring! Ask anyone stuck in a conversation with someone who chronically complains about most anything. Focusing on negative things just reinforces our inability to do something about what’s bugging us. By complaining we continually convince ourselves that we are helpless in taking action and the “powers that be” are in charge…in charge of us.

Negativity is boring just like anything that drains our energy, because deep down we really don’t want to be experiencing it; we don’t want to be focusing on something that gives us no satisfaction and is plain tedious with no real pleasurable outcome; it’s very clear how negativity from others leaves you feeling– drained. Being in a negative state is actually worse than sitting around doing nothing at all. Negativity is a waste of time, energy and resources. It goes nowhere and does nothing, and affects everyone in its wake.

So why do people focus on negative stuff?

Well aside from the fact that we are continually bombarded with negativity in the news, daily– a whopping 68% of Americans feel that the media covers too many ‘bad news’ stories, two out of three people suffer from a self esteem deficit.

In other words, guess where our attention is most of the time? On negative stuff!

Okay so we can’t do much as far as what’s being thrown at us daily, media-wise, other than turning it off or being more aware of what we choose to listen to, watch or read. But as for our self worth, since two thirds of us have “self-esteem deficit” — a phrase coined by Dr. Joe — that means you may:

• Be consumed by fear of failure
• Fail more often than not
• Tend to procrastinate
• Feel unfulfilled, frustrated, angry, unloved, unlovable, nervous or shy
• Be indecisive
• Suffer from many other uncomfortable feelings that prevent us from our realizing full potential

Guess what? More negativity!

We can do something about our feelings from the inside out. Having good self esteem allows you to enjoy life more.

This means:

* You feel happy, valuable,  and fulfilled
* You feel worthy of many good things life can offer you
* You can easily handle life’s challenges
* You have personal power and you are productive
* You feel accepted by others, and are worthy of their attention and affection

What can each of us do about it?

Some people say positive thinking doesn’t work or is unrealistic. If that’s the case, why does negative thinking work? Uh, I’m no rocket scientist but maybe it’s because it’s where we are putting our attention has something to do with it? What if we put our attention on being useful and something stimulating and interesting instead of wasteful and boring?  Forget about trying to be a positive thinker. It’s unhealthy to make believe life is just absolutely wonderful all the time. We all have problems. Yes I said the word…PROBLEMS. You can mask that word any way you want, it is still something that gets in the way of where you want to go. As my Mom would say, “It is what it is”. It doesn’t make it any better if you say, “I have a challenge” or “There are no problems just solutions” or a”Test” or “Difficulty”, etc, etc. Some people get so scared of life’s problems they think giving it another name somehow makes it better. It doesn’t. It is what it is. Get it done, fix it.

Some ways to help you to stop focusing on the negative

Try some of these out. It might be fun for a change. What have you got to lose? Remember, it’s about where you choose to put your attention.

1. Stop agreeing with others every time they start complaining. Unfortunately being a herding species does not always work in our favor. Get out of the habit of moving with the herd, unless you are keeping company with people who take action instead of standing around complaining.

2. Be aware of negativity in the news, media, friends and loved ones and see it from outside yourself. Become detached as if you are an observer of the situation…or better yet, dead. You will truly see how futile your involvement is and why it’s a waste of time to let it affect your time alive.

3. Catch yourself when you feel negative. It usually has something to do with energy level and/ or feeling stressed or overwhelmed. Stop what you are doing. Shut down. Take a nap. Things will look better when you wake up.

4. Identify the source of your self worth. What negative thoughts did you buy into about yourself? What new understandings can you create?

5. Focus on your strengths. Figure out ways to work on the qualities you wish to see in yourself. No one can be good at everything. Let go of what is not for you.

6. Recognize and own whatever past events are still upsetting you. Take action to resolve and end each one, and move on with your life in a positive, productive way.

7. Make the decision to forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. A mistake is a lesson on its way to being learned. Time changes everything. Free yourself from those who have hurt you– forgive them. Figure out how to either resolve or put an end to your strained relationships.

8. Take action to remove yourself from abusive relationships. Let people know that you have made a commitment to yourself to make some needed changes in your life for the better, and you deserve respect.

9. Create a new and improved you. Write in a specially designed journal that helps you to strengthen your identity and helps you to focus on your personal values, goals and ideals; address every aspect of your self-image. When you write it down, it becomes a personal commitment to being you.

10. Humor can be a great tool in expediting personal change. Ask yourself, “What’s funny about this?” This is by far the best antidote to most problems. I just started doing stand-up comedy and I have gotten into the habit of saying this to myself quite often– instant therapy for life, and it costs you nothing. Actually you gain more friends and you solve your “problems” sooner.

Some people say that everything happens for a reason. If that’s the case, learn as quickly as you can from whatever comes your way, because it’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do about it. And you might as well do what you need to do with a smile on your face.

About the Author

John Cane is a motivational speaker and writer who develops and implements confidence and self-esteem workshops in North Carolina, South Carolina, and New York. With a background in Psychology, John has six certifications in Personal Growth and Development.  His Journal Books, ‘Important Things I Remember from My Parents’ are used in schools and as an aid for adults in gaining strength in self identity in the United States and Europe.

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