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Home » Featured, Happiness, Headline, Identity, Learning, Life, Self Esteem

Searching for Inner Self

Submitted by on July 2, 2013 – 11:48 pmNo Comment


Author: Madalina Ciocoiu

Are we all searching or do some of us know who we really are? But most importantly, are we releasing the inner self? I’m sure we all wonder what happens if we do what we want. What happens if we make the decision that we really want and not the one that everybody expected. Most of us live someone else’s expectation; family, friends, work … even if we don’t recognize that. We all have moments in life when we wonder: what do they think about me, is it right to do that, should I wear this, should I do that?

Is it fair to really hide that side of us? Is it fair to really hide who we are? Sometimes it is, because it isn’t good, but who decides that? Our family, our friends, the society? Who knows?

Do we all know who we really are? Or we live all our life wondering? Are we all wondering or are some of us are lucky enough to know that already?

When does that search start? I think it starts since we were born, even if we don’t realize that. Our parents start to watch us from day one. What we like, what we don’t like, what we can or cannot do. Some of us are that lucky that our parents help us to find out. They help us develop talents that we are born with; they help us find out who we are. They help us to choose a college. They help us to choose a way in life. But even then, when we do what we like, is it really us or is it because they push us too hard to become what they would like for themselves and they couldn’t be? Are we happy or do we wake up at one stage and wonder: Is it really me? Or should I be something else to be really happy?

Look at me for instance: I feel like I have so many things to say, and nobody to listen to me. I feel like I have somebody inside me, wanting to get out; to do or to say something… I don’t know. How can I find out? I have no idea. I should start from the beginning, but where is that? My childhood, my relationship, my adulthood, I have no clue. Is there a beginning or this is just me?

I have periods of time in my life when I think I’ m a normal person having a normal life, but then…something happens and I start to wonder: What is wrong with me? What is my purpose in life? Do I have one? When will I find out? Will I ever find out or will I live all my life wondering….

All my life I have had something following me everywhere: Stress. It seems that even if it’s no normal reason for me to get stress, no situation, no person to stress me, I start stressing myself. I see a problem where there is no problem, I try to read behind somebody’s words, even that most of the time it’s nothing to read, the people say what they actually feel, there is no secret message behind those words… Is it real stress or do I create it all the time? Or is this is my inner self taking control over my life?

How can I stop? Somebody normal will say: To get rid of the stress you have to find the cause and solve it or get rid of it. But it seems I’m the cause. I can’t get rid of my self, but how can I “solve” my self? Is there a way to do that? Is there a way to control your inner self once you find it? Is there a way to educate it?

I probably should go to a doctor, but you go to a doctor when you don’t know what is wrong with you. You go to a doctor looking for an answer. I’m the answer; I know that for sure, I don’t need a doctor or anybody else for that matter to tell me that.

Since I was about 14 I was able to give advice, good advice to all my friends. I had a great talent for that, I was never wrong. Of course, they had problems according to their ages, but growing up, I was still good at that, and I feel I still am.

I have advice for my self too, but hard to follow. Why do I not listen to my self? Because we all know it’s easy to give advice, it’s very hard to follow it. I feel that I need some outside intervention, but I don’t want to ask that. It seems that nobody sees that. Maybe because I seem to be a very strong person for everybody, but that it’s only from the outside. Nobody, except me, knows the real me.

I’m not the only one who feels like that but what should we do about it? Should we release the inner self or are we too scared that someone may not like it? Is that fair? Should those who really love us accept us the way that we really are? Do we accept our selves the way we are or are we too scared? Should we try to see what really happens with our selves in the world or should we live all our life wondering?

I think we should try to release the inner self if not all the time, at least sometimes. We should seek the right moment and try to see what happens. But in that moment we should be ready for the consequences because at the end of the day, we have control over our inner self once we know our inner self.

If we don’t know, we should never stop searching, but at the same time we shouldn’t let this searching affect our daily life, because we have only one and we should make the most of it; because we don’t have a second chance and we should not live a life full of regrets. That is no life.

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