by John Cane

How we personally present ourselves plays an important part in how we are perceived in every moment of our daily life.  The result of every interaction we have will be based on first impressions and all behaviors that follow.  Communication with others ranks at the top of the list of priorities we as human beings cherish the most.

Regardless of the relationship, this is the starting point of every “connection.”  Our manners and mannerisms are continually on display.  Each of us places our personal signature of “who we are” on every situation.  This is a statement we make the moment we come into contact with others.  This may sound obvious, but somehow the “who we are” sometimes becomes detoured and the simplicity of connecting with someone is sabotaged.

Communication is vital for any relationship, be it a friendship, a business association, a working relationship, family, or a romantic partnership.  Not only is communication important for the success of any relationship, but the lack of it can absolutely ruin a relationship.  The repercussions of poor communication include feelings of betrayal, fast breeding distrust, misunderstanding of signals and events, accumulation of problems, willing self-isolation, and the deterioration of relationships.  Communication is an excellent means by which all involved parties can work on ailing relationships.

The foundation of solid communication is NOT to make yourself be heard, to express yourself accurately, or to be non-threatening.  Granted, these are all elements of communication, but the real core of true communication is understanding where the other person is coming from.  In fact, good communication cannot exist without honest listening.  When it is apparent that you are actively listening to someone, grasping their point of view, and honestly taking it into consideration, you are setting the groundwork for your needs to be expressed and hopefully understood.  Though this may seem contradictory, the key to communication is more to listen to what the other person is saying, than it is to flood him/ her with who you are, what you want, and how you feel.

Believe it or not, the ultimate goal of communication is to integrate ideas presented by each person.  There really doesn’t need to be a “compromise” if the relationship is worth it.  A relationship that is worth keeping intact considers the value of others, and shows respect for reasons that come from an individual perspective.  Combining ideas can only make the relationship stronger if mutual respect is of the utmost priority.  It is rare that you can utterly change someone else’s perception, opinions, or behavior entirely.  Moreover, it is generally unreasonable to expect to do so.

Understanding That We Are All Different

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt uncomfortable in opening a conversation with someone?  Kind’ve a silly question, huh?  All of us have.  Well, there is a scientific explanation for this that we already know, but somehow as mentioned earlier we get detoured.  The scientific explanation: There are as many realities as there are people.  We, as human beings have a tendency to validate our own realities (and sometimes our realities can be very stubborn).  This, can get in the way.  The truth of the matter is our thoughts don’t represent “reality.”  Our thoughts are only thoughts based on a lifetime of conditioning and experiences.  Understanding and respecting “separate realities” from this point on will help you to accept them more readily.

You cannot and will not be successful as a communicator if you do not respect and value the diversity of people.  Respecting diversity means seeing each person as an individual.  Think of the respect you have for a child.  Respect means being nonjudgmental and unconditional.

Information to be learned is always neutral. Why is this fact mentioned?  This means that all of us are capable of learning something from others, if we respect and understand the truth of separate realities.  If we deny this truth, then we deny ourselves personal growth.  If we approach every situation as a learning experience, nonjudgmental and unconditionally, we set the stage for a win-win outcome.  When individual respect is sensed, people automatically open up to others when it is given.  It is essential to understand that this is an important part of the art of connecting.  Moreover, all will grow in the process.

About the Author

John Cane is a motivational speaker and writer who develops and implements confidence and self-esteem workshops in North Carolina, South Carolina, and New York. With a background in Psychology, John has six certifications in Personal Growth and Development.  His Journal Books, ‘Important Things I Remember from My Parents’ are used in schools and as an aid for adults in gaining strength in self identity in the United States and Europe.

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